Day 14 - The "Make or Break" Point

I'm putting chia seeds on hold. Obviously :)

Instead, I'm going to share my 'want' list with you. What is my 'want' list, you may ask? It's the things I want for myself parallel with my weight loss. I did this the first time around and it was empowering to state what I wanted for myself, to really put me first in this journey and make me and my wants important. So, here's my current list (I'm not looking at my last list prior to writing this one, it'll be interesting to see what's changed and stayed the same!)...

1. I want to wear cute clothes! I loved finally getting into cute stuff and not having such a limited selection on my last go around. I sooooooo look forward to wearing cute stuff!
2. I want my knees to not hurt.
3. I want my pants to not slouch down below my crack line. It's brutally honest, I know. But it's a biggie for me. Curvy girls will agree, it sucks to constantly be thinking about your own plumber's butt.
4. I want to not have my stomach hang over the counter when I lean over to do dishes. It gets soaked and it further highlights my chub. 
5. I want to feel my husbands hands around my waist like they are completely wrapping me, not as though they are stretching like Spandex. 
6. I want to be able to keep up with my kids.
7. I want more energy.
8. I want, DESPERATELY, the complete confidence walking out the door every day to face the world as just Kara. Not as chubby-girl-behaving-slightly-awkwardly-to-unsucessfully-hide-her-fat. It doesn't fool anyone.
9. I want to prove to the world that you can eat delicious things, everyday foods, and lose weight. I can't stand the idea of eliminating food groups, living off of liquids, 3 day diets, pills, and letting someone else do the thinking and work for you by having food delivered to your door.
10. Lastly, I want to conquer the world with cake. (For all my newbie followers, I'm a pastry professional specializing in wedding cakes and special occasion cakes. Go see here: www.karascouturecakes.com). When I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm comfortable with asserting myself and taking charge of anything I set my mind to. Domino effect, I suppose. But man, I miss that feeling!

As I did once before, please feel free to state what YOU want for yourself in the comments below. Let the world know where you want to go. Say it out loud and make it real!

OH! Wait! One last thing I want...

I want to be featured on a Weight Watcher's commecial :) If I get to my goal, which is 100 pounds lost, I'm sure they would love another poster child! And if I get to my final weight I will have lost 115 pounds, then they can't ignore me :)  *Center of attention complex*

Day 164 -- 5 Things I've Learned About Me

This journey of losing 100 pounds in 365 days has been an altering one. I'm not simply referring to the physical change of waistline and tushy size; more the inner things that were hiding behind my weight. I've learned some interesting things about me that I may not have otherwise uncovered. Have a look...

• The Social Butterfly I didn't know I had this in me. I spent so much time consumed with what I looked like because of all of the extra weight that I had no capacity or energy to put on a show for others. I avoided gatherings of all kinds, especially ones that centered around food. I was terrified that someone would judge me if they saw the 'fat girl' eating anything at all, no matter how reasonable a portion. My 100 pound cocoon is slowly shedding itself and this flutter-by is spreading her wings!

• The Alluring Wife My husband never really mentioned that I was not the 'girly' type. He never seemed to notice that I didn't care for makeup or dressing cute (or attractively at all, really). Not that I was a slouch (well, maybe I was) but I figured that if I didn't try to fit into that 'stereotype' of femininity that I wouldn't run the risk of looking ridiculous and failing at it. Well, that's all gone out the window! I wear some pretty cute stuff now, do my hair and shake my backside at my hubby : )  He laughs and shakes his head at this new-found part of me. 

• The Weight Isn't The Real Problem It has been awesome losing almost 50 pounds as of the time of this post, but I still see the same thing when I look in the mirror. OK, that's not entirely true-- my eyes see something different but my mind interprets it as being the same. There is little-to-no progress in how I accept myself when I see my reflection. My weight was never the issue, it was merely a symptom of a bigger problem.

• The Underlying Issue I tend to come across as very confident, almost to a fault sometimes. I should have been nominated for an Oscar for Best Actress in a real-life drama. I have acted this part for the better portion of my 32 years. Dive into my head, into the things I won't say to anyone and only keep locked away there, and you'll see I have very little self confidence. It permeates every facet of my life, everything I do. It has been hard--odd though it may seem--to succeed at losing weight. I didn't believe I could. Now I have to deal with why I doubted myself and why I regard myself so differently than the rest of the world. I work on this one daily, moment to moment trying to change my thoughts and beliefs.

These are cute... time to go shopping!

• Dress Me Up I LOVE ACCESSORIES!!! I love high-end handbags. I love scarves. I love painting my toe nails (especially now that I can reach them). I love the idea of swapping clothes with someone else. I get a kick out of wearing over-sized sunglasses (Hollywood style, not circus style) anytime I'm outside because they are a great accessory. OH! I almost forgot high heeled shoes! I was never able to walk in them without tripping or twisting my ankle, but now I can and I have lots of pairs.

What have you unintentionally learned about yourself through your life's journeys?

Tomorrow: What I've been up to all week (it's yummy, be sure to stop by).