Friday, September 16, 2011

Day 164 -- 5 Things I've Learned About Me

This journey of losing 100 pounds in 365 days has been an altering one. I'm not simply referring to the physical change of waistline and tushy size; more the inner things that were hiding behind my weight. I've learned some interesting things about me that I may not have otherwise uncovered. Have a look...

  • The Social Butterfly I didn't know I had this in me. I spent so much time consumed with what I looked like because of all of the extra weight that I had no capacity or energy to put on a show for others. I avoided gatherings of all kinds, especially ones that centered around food. I was terrified that someone would judge me if they saw the 'fat girl' eating anything at all, no matter how reasonable a portion. My 100 pound cocoon is slowly shedding itself and this flutter-by is spreading her wings!
  • The Alluring Wife My husband never really mentioned that I was not the 'girly' type. He never seemed to notice that I didn't care for makeup or dressing cute (or attractively at all, really). Not that I was a slouch (well, maybe I was) but I figured that if I didn't try to fit into that 'stereotype' of femininity that I wouldn't run the risk of looking ridiculous and failing at it. Well, that's all gone out the window! I wear some pretty cute stuff now, do my hair and shake my backside at my hubby : )  He laughs and shakes his head at this new-found part of me. 
  • The Weight Isn't The Real Problem It has been awesome losing almost 50 pounds as of the time of this post, but I still see the same thing when I look in the mirror. OK, that's not entirely true-- my eyes see something different but my mind interprets it as being the same. There is little-to-no progress in how I accept myself when I see my reflection. My weight was never the issue, it was merely a symptom of a bigger problem.
  • The Underlying Issue I tend to come across as very confident, almost to a fault sometimes. I should have been nominated for an Oscar for Best Actress in a real-life drama. I have acted this part for the better portion of my 32 years. Dive into my head, into the things I won't say to anyone and only keep locked away there, and you'll see I have very little self confidence. It permeates every facet of my life, everything I do. It has been hard--odd though it may seem--to succeed at losing weight. I didn't believe I could. Now I have to deal with why I doubted myself and why I regard myself so differently than the rest of the world. I work on this one daily, moment to moment trying to change my thoughts and beliefs.
These are cute... time to go shopping!
  • Dress Me Up I LOVE ACCESSORIES!!! I love high-end handbags. I love scarves. I love painting my toe nails (especially now that I can reach them). I love the idea of swapping clothes with someone else. I get a kick out of wearing over-sized sunglasses (Hollywood style, not circus style) anytime I'm outside because they are a great accessory. OH! I almost forgot high heeled shoes! I was never able to walk in them without tripping or twisting my ankle, but now I can and I have lots of pairs.

What have you unintentionally learned about yourself through your life's journeys?

Tomorrow: What I've been up to all week (it's yummy, be sure to stop by). 

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