Sunday, May 15, 2011

Day 42

Another 3 pounds down!!! YAY!!! Now totalling 16.8 pounds lost since April 2nd.

So, since my schedule is freeing up a bit this week, and my goals of exercising each day last week went unrealized, I will renew my goal to exercise each day this week. I'll do something. I have to say I feel terrific : ) And here's why:

     I have thought many times over the last 10 years of loosing weight, and have always 'known' I could do it on my own simply by eating better and getting more exercise in. But each time I mentally committed to it, I wound up eating worse than I had prior. Each time a bit of weight crept on. I would weight my self regularly and so long as my weight remained the same I was content, telling myself that I'm ok so long as I'm not gaining. Each time I also reaffirmed to myself that there was a certain weight point that I would never allow myself to get to (first it was 230, then 240, then 250). Once I hit 250 I got mad- at myself for allowing this to happen, for causing it. Something clicked and I decided that no matter what excuse was waiting in the wings, I had to change. My Godmother once quoted a book, the first line in that book, and it was tucked away somewhere in the back of my head, and I pulled it out and have really begun to internalize it, and it  has changed my perspective on many things. I fail to remember it exactly but basically:
'Life is not easy, and as soon as we accept that fact, the easier it becomes.'

How true! I have accepted responsibility for where I allowed myself to go, and I accepted the gravity of the situation. It's not going to be an easy road; many times I'm going to want to pig out on what ever junk food is around or at special occasions or events. I need to accept that for me, food is a problem and I have an unhealthy relationship with it. I have to treat it differently than many other people do who don't have a dependence on it. I know I'm going to have to be conscious of this for the rest of my life, but being healthy and feeling good are such big motivators and payoffs that I am now willing to exchange one for the other.

Ok, now I'm exhausted from my "YAY Me!" party. Time to relax and get some studying in before a bit of exercise.

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